I felt Jinxed.
Before heading to my Office, I somehow don’t quite put a bottle of rose water back on the cupboard shelf. It falls to the ground, and the glass bottom very neatly snaps off. All the rosewater, not so neatly, makes an aromatic puddle on my kitchen floor. But I’m grateful there are no shards of glass, I clean up barefoot.
Since my IBS is back, so I’m in frequent pain or discomfort, I bring my trusty “bean bag” for the first time with me to the Office. We grad students have access to a microwave and fridge (and couch) in the room off from the main computer room, so theoretically we could work in the windowless, airless room 24/7. Note: the windowlessness will be important later.
Before a the bathroom break down the hall, I toss the beloved bean bag into the microwave to re-heat it a bit. I set it for 47 seconds, well under the recommended 2 minute max. Or so I thought.
While washing my hands, I remember my new shell earring is causing some trouble, the earlobe is hot and slightly swollen. Instead of hightailing back to my Office, I pause to check the piercing. Then stroll back.
Even before I reach the first door, into the computer room, I smell smoke. I punch in the code, open the door… and hear the microwave running! Which got me running. I open the microwave door, and thick black smoke billows out, filling the room. Choking, I manage to shut the microwave door, shut the small room’s door, shut the main room, so I’m in the hall. Even with three shut doors between the immolated bean bag and the hall, the smoke smell is strong.
For someone who strives to step lightly on our Earth and have a positive impact on others, it was not a stellar day.
I had single-handedly caused our building’s staff, security, and the local fire department to have to deal with my mess, and caused part of the building to be evacuated, including disrupting a conference on mental health and social justice. Even the lobby smelled of smoke hours later. And apparently the microwave was unsalvageable. Now we grad students do not have a microwave.
And all because of two little mistakes… punching the wrong time in on the microwave (unless it malfunctioned… guess I’ll never know). And leaving it unattended for longer than planned. Circumstances didn’t help: I brought the beanbag because I was sick. Had there been windows, I could have opened a window, and hoped no one would notice my mistake. But instead, I had no way to clean up my own smoke-mess in a windowless room.
The day before, I watched Bec Robbins’ interview with Gay Hendricks, and he talked about his own life-transformation. If you don’t listen to the Universe tickling you with a Feather, the Universe will get your attention with a Sledgehammer. (Martha Beck calls particularly large and life-changing sledgehammers “Your Rhinoceros”. They can hit real hard.)
What if all this silly time and energy wasting drama was the Universe’s (smoking-gun) Sledgehammer? What if that combination of little mistakes leading to a big nuisance was symbolic of some little mistakes in my subconscious programming, some limiting beliefs that were fueling a painful time and energy wasting fire in my own body and life? As Martha put it in Finding Your Way in a Wild New World, imagine your mind is like a Word document. And it has a typo. You can keep running around brandishing Liquid Paper, trying to fix the print-outs of that file. But its way better to call up that file on your computer and fix the typo at the source.
I need to find my mind’s typos.
So my task is to identify and release those beliefs once and for all, which will likely take a daily practice. I’m all for sudden insight and transformation, but also more than willing to put in the time it might take to rewire my brain.
Whatever it takes, Universe, I’ll do it.
Have you succeeded in ditching your limiting beliefs? Let me know, dear Guru!
Update – the Universe apparently was not satisfied with the impact of the microwave fire Sledgehammer, so for good measure, I locked myself out of my (smokey-smelling) Office a few hours later, then dealt with some heartbreak, and then got even more violently ill than before. Universe, didn’t you read this Blog post?!?