Tag Archives: love

Words Fail

Words Fail

I am
A writer
A singer
A poet
A songwriter

Words are my medium
Words are my turf
Words are my home

But when I became
Your Mother

Words could not express
How much I love you

I cannot bend them
Shape them
Assemble them
Speak
Write
Or Sing them
In a way that expresses
How much I love you

I embraced you
With my whole body
For nine months

I will embrace you
In my heart
Forever.

Love Always,
Your Mom

Choosing to Soften

Nap Trapped Thoughts: For my baby shower, friends and family wrote me advice and well wishes on cards. My sis-in-law wrote that our children challenge us, and we can choose to harden or soften towards them. She urged me to soften. That advice sang to my heart. Of course!

But at almost 7 months now, my baby IS really starting to challenge me at times. She is wonderful. I love her more than words can express. She delights me more than I could ever have imagined.

And she pinches, scratches, and smacks me a LOT while breastfeeding. I have hypersensitive skin and my eczema has been flaring lately. It’s hard enough to not scratch myself, and when her razor sharp little nails rake my skin, it’s kind of like chalk on a blackboard. Not exactly painful, but very VERY irritating.

Ain’t gonna lie. I’ve been tempted to harden. Bat the little claws away. Speak harshly. Swear under my breath. Even though I know it is ME who has not been keeping her nails short enough. But I consider it a good practice to soften instead. Instead of batting the little hands away after wards, I practice prevention: bring her hand up for kisses BEFORE she scratches or grabs. And zerberts. The zerberts get me a sly smile while she’s preoccupied with the task of nursing.

This current potential conflict reminded me of what I heard Shelly Lefkoe* say, that a good question parents can ask themselves in the heat of the moment is, “What are the long-term consequences to my child of me getting what I want right now?” Anytime there is a conflict with my child, I am the adult in the situation, and I am the one with the responsibility to take action that serves both our interests.

I don’t succeed every time in my practice of patience, tolerance, and love. But I will do my best to choose to soften.

Keep Shining,
Julie

* I can’t find a source for this quote at the moment, but Lefkoe and her late husband discuss their ideas on parenting in this article.

PS – Just trimmed and filed her nails as she slept. Phew!

The Little Grief: Losing the Exclusive Relationship of Pregancy

Éléa & me (little grief)I was breastfeeding my 6-day-old daughter, Éléa, side-line (both on our sides) when I was overcome with sadness and love. She is a beautiful, healthy, robust little creature with a hearty appetite, and I could feel the gentle tugs from her nursing. Then she drifted off to sleep, and I thought about how our relationship had already changed since her birth.

For the previous nine months, I held her in a full body embrace. Physically and metaphorically, I held her closer to my heart than I could ever hold anyone.

I will never hold her that close again.

Being her mother will be a profound ongoing lesson that everything changes, and of letting go while still loving fiercely and fully.

But right now I cry and grieve a little for what I had with her. Even though I so wanted to meet her and hold her in my arms. Even though wanting to meet her outside my womb was part of what gave me the strength and determination to push past pain and fatigue and push her into the world.

Before, we were connected by the umbilical cord, and her every need had been met through my body. Now, my breast is the closest thing she has to the warm liquid womb-home she once knew, and this is one way I meet her needs. Another way is by holding her as close as I can.

I realize that motherhood teaches us to be less selfish. My daughter is no longer only “mine.” She can be loved and soothed and cared for by her father and so many other people who love her. By birthing her, I lost the exclusivity of pregnancy. And she gained a whole new world of people and other beings to love and be loved by.

My Little Grief is worth this expanded horizon of love.

Shine,
Julie.

River Dialogue

Dawn on Victoria Island, June 2015. ©juliecomber.comI have a confession.

 

I talk with rivers.

 

 

 

 

Mostly with the Kichi Sipi (Ottawa River) because I live near Britannia Beach and watch the sunsets there, and travel from the west end of Ottawa by bus or bike to downtown. A lot of songs and poems have come to me while I watch the river along the Ottawa Parkway. More recently, I started doing a kind of meditation, especially if I’m on the bus. I ask the River if she has anything to say to me. Is there anything she needs from me? What is my responsibility to her? A river in New Zealand, Whanganui, was just granted legal personhood. So let’s get talking!

It has been an interesting process. One of the recurring messages to me is “drop your ego.” Pretty good advice to a member of a species notorious for hubris. I don’t know if I’m connecting with the spirit of Kichi Sipi or with my own intuition or if this is fantasy, but there is something compelling and I feel I need to share what I’ve been hearing from the River.

Here’s the most recent river poem, that came during the bus ride to a meeting about Akikodjiwan (Chaudière Falls, on the Kichi Sipi in unceded Algonquin territory ) on the morning of 13 September 2015. I asked the River for guidance about this meeting, and how to interact with the people at the meeting in a good way.

Kichi Sipi, what do you say?

look beyond egos
including your own
 
the forces of the false gods of capitalism
are constantly seducing you away
from me
from all other beings on this planet
and into an anthropocentric thrall of technology
 
You ARE a child of the Universe
no less than the trees and the stars
but no MORE than the trees and the stars
no more than any other species on this planet
your species has gained powers undreamed of before you evolved
you need to grow up and wield these powers responsibly
you ARE subject to the same laws of the Universe as everyone else
the same limits of energy and resources this one mother earth can provide
 
you need to connect with your heart
people don’t see me
even when they do see me, stand in me, swim in me
still, some don’t connect to me
don’t truly love me
they are somewhere else
 

but the heart connects even if your brain is deceived
your heart knows me and the light in everyone

connect. drink the water. you are the water.
and so you are Love.

*******************

Let me know what you think. Do you talk with rivers? If folks are interested, I’m happy to post more of these river dialogues.
Shine,
Julie.

PowerShifting from the Heart

Nothing crystallizes your resolve to make the world a better place quite like cradling a newborn.

Holding my niece for the first time made me think of how different the world is now compared to when I was born. So much beautiful land has been lost. Including land right here in Ottawa, that I fought to protect, which has been destroyed for short-term profit. My niece will not be able to play in the forests her Dad and I loved so much. At the global level, hundreds of species have been lost since I was the size of my niece. There is so much inequity, injustice and suffering for humans and other sentient beings. And underlying so much of this loss of biodiversity and beauty is Climate Change.

Then I sang the lullaby I wrote for her, “All Your Relations Love You”. The song is about interconnectedness and being a beloved part of a the biotic community, of the more-than-human world. It also shows how we can move forward: with Creativity. With Beauty. With Courage. With Humility. With Love.

My niece is one example of someone who helps remind me of my purpose. For you, perhaps it helps to hold in mind the image of someone you love, a place you love, a community you love. And when you feel yourself straying in this world of information-overload and distraction, go back to that image. Better yet, ground yourself in the presence of that which you love. Then expand that sphere of love ever outwards to encompass this whole precious blue and green Earth.

Including other species within our sphere of moral concern is part of what I’ll speak about on the not to be missed PowerShift Panel “Starving Injustice, Hungry for Change: How Climate Change Impacts Food Systems, and Pathways Towards Solutions“. I’m so excited to learn from my fellow Panelists! Devlin Kuyek of GRAIN will explore the global scale impacts of food systems on climate change, and how in turn, our food system is impacted by climate change. Chris Bisson will dig into how we can build resiliency through permaculture at a local level. And I’ll speak about what Industrial Animal Production reveals about the human relationship with other species and our effort to combat climate change. We’re on at 11:30am on October 27th, in Desmarais 1110.

It is love that fuels our fight against climate change. It is love for my niece, for All My Relations, that moves me to care beyond my own brief existence on this planet, to care about more than my own immediate wants and needs. Love fuels the Action. It is opportunities like PowerShift 2012 that help us learn how to make our Actions effective.

That’s why I’m going to PowerShift. How about you?

Keep Shining,
Julie.