Monthly Archives: March 2017

Gratitude for my Body

Nap Trapped Thoughts: There were times when I felt so broken. I even questioned whether I deserved to live, because it seemed to take so many more resources for me to function. If another person took my place, they would likely thrive on just a fraction of the blessings I needed.

Intellectually I knew this was not a helpful way to look at my situation, but emotionally I felt undeserving.

I’m sure it must have been a hurtful and discouraging message to be sending to my body. There she was, breathing, heart beating powerfully, powering my brain to think these ungrateful thoughts, digesting (even if not to my satisfaction), moving, etc. And yet I was sending the message she wasn’t good enough. Yikes!

I tried to practice gratitude for my body, and self-love, and I do think it helped. But it’s like I was doing this short helpful practice and yet the background thoughts and beliefs were overwhelmingly negative about my body.

I think she noticed.

I continued to spend a lot of energy managing symptoms, rather than on my soul’s purpose, or even on more mundane and practical things, like doing my taxes and tidying my office.

Then I got pregnant. And my baby thrived in my womb.

Then I had an unmedicated birth. And when I held my daughter for the first time, I was in awe of what I had co-created.

She was strong, healthy, beautiful. My body had carried her in an embrace for 9 months. Had been her exclusive source of nourishment. Had then birthed her into the world. And now, as I experienced this awe, gratitude, and love, she started nursing. And so my body again was nourishing her.

If my body was capable of co-creating this wonderful young creature, then that was proof I was in fact whole, healthy, and strong. And if my body could create this healthy creature, then surely she could recreate herself as a healthy creature.

And so I’m excited about the Dynamic Neural Retraining System (DNRS) I’m doing right now.

Awe. Gratitude. Love. Perhaps all my body needs is to feel that to heal. To be treated with kindness and gratitude, and to tone down the stress response. To be allowed to be relaxed, and spend more time in the “Rest & Digest” state instead of in “Fight or Flight.”

Thank you, body.

For everything.

Shine,
Julie

Choosing to Soften

Nap Trapped Thoughts: For my baby shower, friends and family wrote me advice and well wishes on cards. My sis-in-law wrote that our children challenge us, and we can choose to harden or soften towards them. She urged me to soften. That advice sang to my heart. Of course!

But at almost 7 months now, my baby IS really starting to challenge me at times. She is wonderful. I love her more than words can express. She delights me more than I could ever have imagined.

And she pinches, scratches, and smacks me a LOT while breastfeeding. I have hypersensitive skin and my eczema has been flaring lately. It’s hard enough to not scratch myself, and when her razor sharp little nails rake my skin, it’s kind of like chalk on a blackboard. Not exactly painful, but very VERY irritating.

Ain’t gonna lie. I’ve been tempted to harden. Bat the little claws away. Speak harshly. Swear under my breath. Even though I know it is ME who has not been keeping her nails short enough. But I consider it a good practice to soften instead. Instead of batting the little hands away after wards, I practice prevention: bring her hand up for kisses BEFORE she scratches or grabs. And zerberts. The zerberts get me a sly smile while she’s preoccupied with the task of nursing.

This current potential conflict reminded me of what I heard Shelly Lefkoe* say, that a good question parents can ask themselves in the heat of the moment is, “What are the long-term consequences to my child of me getting what I want right now?” Anytime there is a conflict with my child, I am the adult in the situation, and I am the one with the responsibility to take action that serves both our interests.

I don’t succeed every time in my practice of patience, tolerance, and love. But I will do my best to choose to soften.

Keep Shining,
Julie

* I can’t find a source for this quote at the moment, but Lefkoe and her late husband discuss their ideas on parenting in this article.

PS – Just trimmed and filed her nails as she slept. Phew!